New York, U.S.A
Mom: Honey, come on, you’re getting late.
Richard: Yes, mommy, I’m coming.
Mom: Have you taken your…
Richard: Ya, I’ve taken my lunch.
Mom: Oh that’s good but I was asking about the revolver.
Richard: Yes, mommy; I’ve taken that too.
Mom: Have you taken its license?
Richard: I’m telling this the 100th time, mommy. I always keep a soft copy of it in my palmtop.
Mom (smiles): Good boy but remember not to shoot anyone unnecessarily. Last month, you shot Jamie for a minor tiff and he lost his life. I had to pay 20000 Rallods to bring him back alive.
Richard: I know, mom. I won’t do it again.
Mom: That’s like a good boy. Shall we start?
The Mexico City, Mexico
Jennie: Holà, cómo estas?
Doctor: Mi, bien. Y tu?
Jennie: Bien. How’s my hubby, Marc doing?
Doc: His BP is normal. Sugar, urine and blood tests show nothing abnormal. So, I’m assuming he is fine.
Jennie (smiles wryly): Very nice of you, doc. So, can he be operated tomorrow?
Doc: No, that’s too early, Jennie. You need to have some patience.
Jennie: But we’ve been waiting for 10 years for this to happen.
Doc: Lady, pregnancy is not a joke. It’s a man thing. You won’t understand. I’ve myself given birth to two kids and I know what the pain is. If I operate on him tomorrow, it might cost him his life.
Jennie: No, doc, I’ll wait. I was excited, you see.
But, sorry about that anyways.
Doc: That’s ok! I see ladies like you day in and day out. They are always in a hurry.
Btw, do you want to say hello to your little kiddo?
Jennie: Yes, of course.
Jennie (knocks Marc’s tummy): Dear. How are you?
Baby (from Marc’s womb): I’m doing good, mommy. But when am I coming out? I’m eagerly waiting to see you and daddy. It’s so boring to see everything thro daddy’s tummy.
Jennie: Don’t worry, dear. You would see the world in a few days. But now you should take some rest.
Baby: Ok mommy. See you soon.
Jennie: See you honey.
Doc: All right! Come on lets have some coffee.
Jennie: Sure. I would go for red sans heroin.
Rennes, France
Receptionist: Bonjour, monsieur. Comment cava?
Carol: Cava, bien.
Receptionist: How can I help you?
Carol: I want to go to Dhaka.
Receptionist: Oh ok, let me check the cost.
Receptionist (after a minute): That would cost you 18000 Orues. Is that ok?
Carol: That’s fine but how long is the travel time?
Receptionist: The teleportation time is 10 minutes.
Carol (in a surprised tone): 10 minutes? From here to Bangladesh?
Receptionist: Oui, monsieur. Ours is a cheap teleport system. So, it would take you 10 minutes.
Carol: Whatever! Give me 2 tickets please.
Monica (Carol’s wife): I told you before not to go for a cheap teleport system. Now it’s going to take you 10 minutes and I’m pretty damn sure that the seats won’t be comfortable.
Carol: Why don’t you keep quiet for sometime. The pain is just for 10 minutes. Can’t you tolerate that?
Hamburg, Germany
Ludwick (owner of Loffthrauss repair services): Guten Tag, Halo.
Muller: Halo, service card no 78651. Is my delivery ready?
Ludwick: One second, sir. Let me check my records. Sir, we’ve not yet received the instruments for the repair.
Muller: I gave you my left hand two weeks before for a minor nerve repair and now, you are giving me these lame excuses. This is bad customer service.
Ludwick: Sorry about that, sir. I’ll make sure you receive your hand in perfect condition next week. You’ll be amazed by the quality of our work.
Muller: All right. I’ll talk to you about the quality when I receive it. Bye
Ludwick: Sure, sir. Thanks for your patience. Aufwiedersehen
Chennai, India
Sundari (Rahul’s mom): Hello!
Rahul: Hello mom.
Mom: Hello son. How are you?
Rahul: I’m fine. How are you and how’s dad?
Mom: We’re fine. So, what’s happening there?
Rahul: Today is a holiday here, mom. I’m hungry but am too bored to cook.
Mom: Don’t worry. I’ve made some sambar rice and potato curry. Would you like to have some?
Rahul: Sure mom, the biryani you passed on last week was amazing. I shared it with my friends and they too simply loved it.
Mom: Rahul, which button should I press on this phone to send food?
Rahul: Button 2 mom, read the instructions. It would say ‘Send to Spain’. Then select Barcelona from the city dropdown and enter my postcode.
Mom: Oh ok, now I remember.
Rahul: But, don’t forget to wrap it using the platinum cover. Else, it won’t be hot.
Mom: Yes, I do remember you telling me this the last time. Your dad got a carton of platinum covers yesterday. So, don’t worry, your food is going to be hot and spicy.
Rahul: Thanks, mom.
Tokyo, Japan
Mal Wong (Xing Wong’s son): Dad
Xing Wong (a scientist): Yes, son
Mal: What are you doing?
Xing: I’m working on a confidential project to re-create an already destroyed country, son.
Mal: What (in a surprised tone)? How do you do that?
Xing: 20 years before, a country called China got destroyed. You weren’t born that time.
Mal: Really?
Xing: Yes, its neighboring country Cheronya bombed and destroyed it completely.
Mal: Oh, I see.
Xing: So, now daddy, along with Floren uncle, is working on this project to re-create China.
Mal: But, how do you do that?
Xing: We’ve got old pictures of China stored in our body-tops (next gen of lap-tops).
So, we would magnify these images and convert the pixels using that instrument over there. Can you see that big instrument standing next to the table?
Mal: Yes.
Xing: That is called Xinco-generator. It bombards the images and creates real land, sea, lakes etc.
Mal: This is unbelievable, daddy.
Xing (smiles): That’s what the whole world has been saying about our work for a long time.
Wajibaad, Kundalikistan
Engiomangifera (a mango tree): Hey, are you ok mate?
Pinapolastudia (Engiomangifera’ s friend, a pineapple tree): I’m doing well.
Engi: What’s up for breakfast?
Pina: I don’t know what happened to this river Gangolida. Not sure why it isn’t flowing today. I’m really thirsty.
Engi: Me too, me too.
Pina: But today the sun seems to be shining and there is a nice wind blowing. That’s the only solace we get at this hour. Otherwise it’s just another boring day.
Engi: Ya, it’s getting a bit monotonous, nowadays. I’m thinking of moving to Lazybaad.
Pina (smirks): Good. That place would be appropriate for lazy bones like you.
Engi (frowns): Too bad, mate. But I’m going to sleep. So, bye for now.
Pina: Bye.
Harare, Zimbabwe
Television anchor: Good morning. I welcome you all to the pre-election show on RMT.
As the elections are round the corner, we request all the citizens to make a note of the websites.
You can logon to one of our party’s websites to cast your votes. We won’t force you to vote for our leader and you can choose any candidate of your choice. But you know who the winner is going to be. So, why waste your time voting for others?
Our website links are:
Other websites you can use are:
Log in early to avoid the rush.
Mariya (A Zimbabwean resident): I thought we would be free when he died the second time. But these B******* have cloned him again from his DNA.
Science! Damn it!
1 comment:
A good one Arvi... Your thought process is simply amazing...
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